Feel the awesome.
07
Aug 2010
Strong-Willed Kids
Jeremy and I noticed our little Asher was a strong-willed child pretty early on. I’m not talking about an occasional “no” when we ask him to do something, or ripping a toy out of our hands because he wants it, I’m talking about a very intense fire and drive that emanates from him in everything he does. It’s amazing. It’s incredibly exhausting to parent, but Jeremy and I have always said that God has built him with this character to impact the cf community, and fight this disease full force.
I get these parenting tip emails a couple of times a week, and this one was entitled, “Strong-Willed Kids”. I had to open it immediately, and I was amazed at how much I could personally identify with this, and how much this is spot on about Asher. We’re so thankful God has given us a strong-willed Asher, and we pray for His wisdom in showing us how to cultivate and limit this trait all at the same time.
I just had to include the email on his blog so that we can one day look back at this and know that we saw this all unfolding right from the beginning…
“Children who make decisions with intensity tend to be labeled “strong-willed.” At the end of the day, their parents feel as if they’ve been engaged in hand-to-hand combat—and that the child often wins at the parent’s expense! Most parents consider a strong will a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life. Yet, in reality, it’s the strong-willed kids who are often better equipped to succeed, be creative, and face adversity.
Children with strong wills have the potential to become the next generation of leaders. They have their own ideas and plans. They know what they want. They’re persistent, confident, passionate, and determined to succeed at whatever they choose to do.
Leaders have an agenda, look for ways to incorporate others into their plans, and have a high need for control in life. Balanced with graciousness, leaders become a treasure because they make things happen, create organization out of chaos, and motivate people to action.
Unfortunately, it’s hard to raise a leader. These kids tend to have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do. A strong will keeps a child moving in a certain direction in spite of obstacles. Often these children need bigger barriers or tighter limits to teach them that those boundaries are firm.
Don’t be discouraged by the effort it takes to teach a strong-willed child which limits not to push. The strong-willed child accomplishes things in life, because the roadblocks that might hold others back are no match for this kid’s determination. Your job is to help him know the difference between obstacles to overcome and limits to live within.
A strong will can be an asset… as long as the heart is in the right place.”
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It is just unreal how you can find a way to praise God in any situation. That’s the way it should be and you are such a great blessing to the rest of us. God made Asher just the way he is and for that HE should be praised.
Your outlook is fantastic! I like the end of the article, it’s all about the heart!
I just love Asher! He has such a wonderful personality! Thanks for sharing that article. I love what is said about cultivating their strenghts, while creating firm boundaries when needed. Lord, give us wisdom with our kids!!!!
Sydney and Asher are two peas in a pod. I have the hardest time with her it is amazing but yet at the same time I would not change the good things that come with a strong willed child. I have a book called strong willed child by James Dobson and it covered Sydney to a “T” maybe it will help out a little bit with Asher but in the end the are great and amazing kids.
I actually copied and fwd that email to my mom to see what her reaction would be! I’ll let you know what she says 🙂
YES!! Aidan is exactly the same way and we knew from about age 1. He is intense about EVERYTHING! I also read the Strong Willed CHild and Training the SPirited Child. It also goes hand in hand with intelligence. Aidan was recently IQ tested and scored ‘highly superior’ in everything, IQ was in the high 140’s. Now at age 5, CF has become an intense hate of his..We are trying to work with his personality as best as possible but he is a HANDFUL!!!!! Good luck…I think we’re in for quite a ride!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/aidanneville
Oh wow, Rach. That is amazing! I loved reading that. Gave me a whole new way to see Reese’s strong will. What a gift.
Raising a Spirited Child is also an excellent book. I totally get this one. We are so blessed with a strong-willed little boy who both exhausts and amazes us daily. 🙂
It’s so great that all of you moms are reading such great books. They were so helpful and encouraging to me when I was raising kids, and there is so much truth to the text. Parenting takes vision to see what your children can become through your passionate love and purposeful discipline focused on your child’s long term success. Keep yourself above the natural tendency to be overwhelmed by it. I always repeated to myself the Proverb…”an undisciplined child brings shame to the mother.” It’s true…I remember the shame I felt in Dillards one day….it was quite awful. But he never spit at me again. Ha!
I totally got that e-mail too!! And I was thinking about our G-man all the way! Wow…what a great perspective….we are raising potential leaders. 🙂